20 Worst Pick-Up Lines

1. You must be a hell of a thief, because you stole my heart from across the room.

2. Are you lost? Because heaven is a long way from here.

3. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

4. If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

5. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

6. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house?

7. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.

8. You have to tell me your name, because last night in my dreams, I could only call you baby.

9. You might as well sleep with me because I'm going to tell everybody we did it anyway.

10. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

11. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

12. Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

13. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

14. Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

15. What's your sign?

16. Excuse me, can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.

17. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

18. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!

19. You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the Bomb!

20. Was your dad a farmer? Cause you sure have great melons.

The Amish Elevator

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that would
move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen
anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the
numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."

Blonde joke

A beautiful blonde has a dilemma, so calls her boyfriend. “Please come over here and help me,” she says. “I have this killer jigsaw puzzle to do, and I can’t even figure out how to get started on it.”
“What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” the boyfriend asks.
“According to the picture on the box, it’s supposed to be a rooster,” she replies.
Her boyfriend decides he’d better go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has hundreds of puzzle pieces spread out over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, looks at the box, turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”
He then takes her hand and says
patiently, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,” he says with a deep sigh, “we’ll put all of these Corn Flakes back in the box.”